The adoption process is never simple and it is rarely fast. Even the easiest adoptions require massive amounts of paperwork, home studies, meetings with attorneys and, most of all, patience. This patience is tried even more when faced with a long wait.
There may be multiple reasons for the wait. Perhaps you haven’t found the right birth mom yet. Maybe there have been some issues with the paperwork or home study. There could be any number of unforeseen hiccups that have caused the delay. The adoption will eventually happen, but waiting can lead to pain, heartbreak and even depression.
When you find yourself feeling sadness over the wait, remember to refocus your thoughts and efforts on your ultimate goal. You want to be a parent. Parenting itself takes a great deal of patience. Tell yourself that the wait you are experiencing is preparing you for all of those days and nights when your patience will be tried not by waiting but by the child. You will be stronger after having gone through this process. That will only serve to make you a better parent.
Don’t forget to keep communication open with your spouse. Share your feelings and allow your spouse to share feelings as well. They may not be the same thoughts and that is okay. You may feel depressed that you haven’t been matched with a child yet. Your spouse may want to take advantage of the days when it just the two of you. One of you may be anxious. The other may be angry. What is important is to listen and support each other. It is vital to never accuse or blame.
Another method to refocusing during the wait is to practice positive thinking. Use daily affirmations to replace any negative or doubtful thoughts. Try meditation or yoga. Make a vision board that includes all of the things you would like to accomplish with your future child and as a parent.
You can also use your days of waiting to improve yourself. Take classes. Learn a new language. Start a new hobby. Try a new recipe. Go on vacation. Spend time with friends. Engage in activities that make you feel happy and alive. When the time finally comes that you are matched with a child, you will be glad that you used your time in a positive way. You, your spouse and your future child will benefit from your ability to refocus your energy on productive thoughts and actions.